Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
