theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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