Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
