He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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