I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Please don't give away my fajitas
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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