So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Randomize
