made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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