I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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