I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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