dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Less talking, more tequila
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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