Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
