the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Blood and glitter go together right?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
