ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
