Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
