we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
