imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
