This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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