I cannot find my penis.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
