Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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