Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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