He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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