I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
he fucked my hip out of place.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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