is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
