My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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