I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
