2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
