WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
