why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
