Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
How does it feel to date your dad?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
