I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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