wanna go halves on a baby?
the condom got lost in my hair
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Floor bacon is actually really good
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
