There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Randomize
