why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
