Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
