I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
