he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
