I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
