I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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