So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
