sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
