it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Is Oprah even human
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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