I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
