This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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