Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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