If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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