Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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