I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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