I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
