we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
