i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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